Any expat living in the Francophone world is presented with a challenge when using the seemingly mindless word of 'you.' Why is this? In French there are two words for 'you': tu and vous. The very general rules for choosing between the two are: tu, is always used when you are addressing a single person, and you generally use it when addressing someone in a similar social situation to you. Vous is used when addressing a group of people, but it also is used when speaking with someone who is older than you, whom you may not know well or to someone who you want to show respect.
Studying French in the United States, I knew of this distinction but as I generally only used French in an academic situation, deciding which word to use for you wasn't often a pressing thought. Living in France though, this is something one must constantly be thinking about! My first evening here at a dinner with my mentor and her husband, we discussed this distinction. The husband acknowledged that it is a challenge often even difficult for French people to work around, because everyone brings different expectations to social situations and thus how they wish to be addressed. He then said to me, "you can always use tu with us." I had obviously been using vous until that point, and I remember thinking in my head, "Yeah okay, I'll still use vous the next few weeks to be polite." He then added though that he did not like when certain people used with vous with him (I suppose I was being grouped into this category) as it showed in his opinion, an unnecessary level of formality, and he would actually take slight offense to that. So tu it was!
With the other teachers I work with, I have generally used vous unless someone has specifically told me to use tu, because all the teachers are at least 10-15 years older than me. I have also began to address several teachers with tu as they will often do the bises, cheek kissing greeting with me, and while that does not show close familiarity it does show a sort of equality and relationship, thus allowing I think for tu to be appropriate. As an English speaker I still find conversations talking with someone about what form of you to use rather unusual. For example, in December, I walked into the classroom of a female teacher in her 40s. She asked me how my weekend was, and then I asked her, 'et pour vous?" (And for you?) She then stopped me and said, "Let's just use 'tu', it's easier." Living in a generally older community, I find that my mind is often in a 'vous' form when talking to people. At a party then this past Friday evening in the bigger city in my region, La Rochelle, I accidentally used vous at first when I was talking with another young man in his twenties, and he laughed at me and said, 'why are you doing that?' I challenge Hollywood to make a silly comedic scene out of that moment. Yesterday when working with the head teacher of one of my schools, I did the opposite and first addressed her as tu and then stumbled back to vous. She said, "oh it's fine, just use tu!" I was so excited! Her saying that definitely shows that the staff of her school respects me and is happy to have me working with them this year.
While it would certainly be easier if there was just one word for you, I appreciate the social and cultural significance that this distinction gives to conversations in French. Here's to rising to the challenge of deciding which you to use!
Studying French in the United States, I knew of this distinction but as I generally only used French in an academic situation, deciding which word to use for you wasn't often a pressing thought. Living in France though, this is something one must constantly be thinking about! My first evening here at a dinner with my mentor and her husband, we discussed this distinction. The husband acknowledged that it is a challenge often even difficult for French people to work around, because everyone brings different expectations to social situations and thus how they wish to be addressed. He then said to me, "you can always use tu with us." I had obviously been using vous until that point, and I remember thinking in my head, "Yeah okay, I'll still use vous the next few weeks to be polite." He then added though that he did not like when certain people used with vous with him (I suppose I was being grouped into this category) as it showed in his opinion, an unnecessary level of formality, and he would actually take slight offense to that. So tu it was!
With the other teachers I work with, I have generally used vous unless someone has specifically told me to use tu, because all the teachers are at least 10-15 years older than me. I have also began to address several teachers with tu as they will often do the bises, cheek kissing greeting with me, and while that does not show close familiarity it does show a sort of equality and relationship, thus allowing I think for tu to be appropriate. As an English speaker I still find conversations talking with someone about what form of you to use rather unusual. For example, in December, I walked into the classroom of a female teacher in her 40s. She asked me how my weekend was, and then I asked her, 'et pour vous?" (And for you?) She then stopped me and said, "Let's just use 'tu', it's easier." Living in a generally older community, I find that my mind is often in a 'vous' form when talking to people. At a party then this past Friday evening in the bigger city in my region, La Rochelle, I accidentally used vous at first when I was talking with another young man in his twenties, and he laughed at me and said, 'why are you doing that?' I challenge Hollywood to make a silly comedic scene out of that moment. Yesterday when working with the head teacher of one of my schools, I did the opposite and first addressed her as tu and then stumbled back to vous. She said, "oh it's fine, just use tu!" I was so excited! Her saying that definitely shows that the staff of her school respects me and is happy to have me working with them this year.
While it would certainly be easier if there was just one word for you, I appreciate the social and cultural significance that this distinction gives to conversations in French. Here's to rising to the challenge of deciding which you to use!